Threequel: a dirtier word than "threesome"?

In the fall of 2004, I wrote a paper that began thusly (and hopefully the use of the word “thusly” has recaptured your wavering attention after the word “paper”):

“Movie critics everywhere called the summer of 2003 ‘The Summer of Sequels.’ But the summer of 2004 has better waved the sequel banner than any other season in recent memory.”

I guess, in 2004, I thought I was Roger Ebert.
Anyway, for those that slept through those two years, 2004 was the summer of The Whole Ten Yards, Kill Bill vol. 2, Shrek 2, Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban, The Chronicles of Riddick, Napoleon Dynamite (okay, okay, not a sequel; weird instant cult classics are worth mentioning, though), Spider-man 2, The Bourne Supremacy, and The Princess Diaries 2. Also, Attack of the Virgin Mummies. And although I can’t remember what sequels 2003 featured, I am too lazy to look them up. So just know that Roger Ebert himself thought that the 2004 sequels were better than those of 2003.

But “threequel” wasn’t even really a word until a month ago. And in the next two seconds I will prove that it doesn’t mean a thing. Are you ready?

Live Free or Die Hard.

Not a sequel, not a “threequel” (aka “pirate, bourne, shrek, or spider-man movie”), and not even a FIVEQUEL. It’s Bruce Willis, plenty of shooting, and the best explosions you’ll see all year. It’s Die Hard 4, baby. Apparently if it’s anything like the previous three, it will “blow you through the back wall of the theater.” Yippee-ki-yay.

However, just because every other movie is going to have to swallow John McClane’s dust, doesn’t mean there’s no hope for our swaggering, angst-ridden, ogre assassins. Au contraire! There’s this thing in Hollywood called trilogy and as long as you can stop while the stopping is good, quit while you’re ahead, and basically not become George Lucas, you’ll be just fine.

Plus, no matter what, you’re bound to do better than Attack of the Virgin Mummies. Take heart.

--Trixie Jean

Note: This is labeled as being by lmarie beacuse she challenged Trixie Jean to write a post with the title above. TJ, per usual, surpassed all expectations -- lmarie