Bowling for Sparta

Bowling for Sparta

My sister used have a friend that screamed, “REMEMBER THE ALAMO!” whenever he bowled. No, I don’t know why he did this; he was her friend and not mine. Even more perplexing is a) no one remembers the Alamo anyway, and b) war cries are not typically heard in bowling alleys.
But why not? I’m not a very talented bowler myself and every time I bowl I feel like I’m going to battle. Me vs. The Pins. There’s ten of them and only one of me. I only get two shots at them, too, from a significant distance. Basically, the odds are comparable to the entire plot of the movie “300.” Which got me thinking.
And so…without further ado…that new summer blockbuster…
Bowling 300.
My brother is the star. Except he’s significantly bulkier and partially naked. He’s also got a wife who is equally bulky and equally naked. My sister and I are there, too, except I am male and wielding a giant spear. My sister has an eye-patch (not sure why.) It is our job to yell “SPARTA!” whenever we feel like it or, if we’re really feeling adventurous, “GLORY!”
Now, we could shoot this in a bowling alley. But NO! We film this whole experience on, say, a submarine. And then we CG the bowling alley in later. Why do we do this, you ask? Foolish mortals. In Sparta, that’s the kind of thing that we’re about.
So my brother steps up to bowl. His bowling ball is made of some magical metallic substance that could withstand the force of an atomic bomb. Despite being 16, he has a thick beard (and wife, remember). He cocks his arm and begins his throw.
Suddenly, everything goes into slow motion. He opens his mouth and yells “WWWWHAAAAARRRRGGGGHHHH!” His foot majestically pounds the wood of the lane. Ten million bowling pins stand, facing him, the army of darkness.
He releases. The ball spins in midair.
A shot of me and Lisa: “SPARTA!”
A shot of his sexy wife, letting herself get raped over by the Dance Dance Revolution game (again, not sure why).
The ball continues to spin in midair.
Then it thunders down the alley and wipes out a ridiculously huge number of pins. The rest of the pins, of course, promptly fly into the air. Me, my sister, and my brother are impaled where we stand.
The sexy wife turns in our shoes.
Roll credits.