Die, penguins, die

I used to like penguins. I mean, what’s not to like? They’re little and fluffy and flightless birds. They’re like the chicken of the Antarctic.
So I liked March of the Penguins. When the documentary guys that made it won their Academy Award and walked up there holding those giant stuffed penguins (Toys. Not real, once-living stuffed penguins, although that would have been hilariously ironic), I cheered, quietly, to myself.
I did not, however, see Happy Feet. I understand that penguins are hott with two “t”s, but I just didn’t have the heart to see/hear Robin Williams make another painful career decision. Even a promise of hearing the voice of the late Steve Irwin (hilariously ironic?) could not get my happy feet to the theater.
Interesting Trivia: Nicole Kidman doesn’t do cartoon voiceover work. She just doesn’t. So why Happy Feet? Weird.
So by now we’ve seen penguins march and dance. What next?
You guessed it: surf. The movie, by the way, is ingeniously called “Surf’s Up!” If you’re still in a guessing mood and you guess that it’s about surfing penguins, you’re right. And if you guess that it’s computer animated, you’re still right. And since you’re on such a roll and you guess that it features the voice talents of “funny” actors like Shia LaBeouf and Jon Heder, then you’re right three times in a row!
Needless to say, this looks like it’s going to turn out to be another product of classic Hollywood overkill. After all, why put only one “t” on the end of “hot” when we could have two?!
But if, like me, you’re not willing to give up on penguins altogether, fear not. Here are two classic options for penguin entertainment:
1) Tacky the Penguin – a delightful children’s book by Helen Lester, circa 1990. Tacky the Penguin doesn’t fit in with his friends Goodly, Lovely, Angel, Neatly, and Perfect. Of course, his tacky ways eventually save his more polite friends from some evil hunters. If that sounds like more fun than a barrel of Antarctic chickens, that’s because it is.
2) The Pebble and the Penguin – A Don Bluth (Yeeeeeessssssss) animated movie from 1995 featuring the voice talents of actually funny actors Martin Short and Tim Curry. Includes such classic quotes as, “You're either the greatest romantic hero of all time... or you're the stupidest penguin who's ever lived!” and “Hubie, go and kick his ass!” (Although, I don’t actually remember that second quote; in fact, I’m a little disturbed by the IMDB’s inclusion of it under their “memorable quotes” section since I seem to remember the Pebble and the Penguin as a children’s movie. Oh, that Don Bluth. So edgy.)
And so, to sum up:
You’re crazy, insane; you’re amazing!

--TJ